About 5 months ago, I lost a love that I thought was forever. I lost a dog that I grew to love and I lost the place that I called home. Emotionally, continuing to live in a place that once filled me with love was too difficult. With that said, I realized more than any of those things that had been lost, I had mostly lost myself. I lost my passion for myself because I gave it to someone else.
I was heartbroken. Heart break sucks, lets face it. Most of the articles I’ve read tell us, it will just take some time and then life will eventually just go on... but nothing can really help us in that moment. It just sucks. It sucks the life out of us, sucks the joy out of things which would have normally brought us joy. Healing is a process just like most everything is, but we have to put in the work to help the healing. Eventually it will get better.
Our hearts are not for sale. They are not something to give away. They are something we should have the honour to share. I don’t think a relationship should be 50/50, I think it should be 100/100. We give our best self, they give their best selves, 100% of the time. When two hearts come together, I don’t believe it should ever have to feel like it’s a struggle to put in the effort. I realize we will all have our ups and downs in any relationship, but when something is broken, I think we should try to fix it, not just throw it away. Thats the effort of two hearts working as one. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and I totally respect and understand that as well.
Although, we never really want to go through heart break, I believe it might be one of the healthiest things that can happen to us. We can all get caught up in this world of perfection, and therefore, hold back our feelings that we might be experiencing. When one finds themselves lost, and is living a life just to try to please another person, some of us may end up loosing our authentic selves.
Recently, I’ve been on an incredible journey to find my authentic self again. The person who I loved the most in life and who was my first love...was me. When my recent relationship ended, I had two choices: 1) I could sit and mope about it and beat myself up over what I may or may not have done to contribute to this relationship ending, or 2) I could actually do something about all those thoughts and learn how to use them in my life for the better.
With this, opportunities started to be presented to me that have been life changing. I started reading extremely powerful books, started embracing weekly counselling sessions, moved back home, attended a family trauma seminar for a weekend and then left for a week retreat on Gabriola Island at The Haven for a program called “Coming Alive”. I learned more about myself than I ever could have imagined. Upon returning home, I realized I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I’ve started loving spending more time with just me and I started to enjoy doing the things I used to love when I was a little girl. I’ve gone to the movies alone, rented a skating rink for myself, and started enjoying those relationships with people in my life who I can truly be my authentic self with.
Truly loving ourselves and being OK with just us, is one of the best realizations that I have had. I believe that when one gives all of themselves to another human, there is nothing left for our own selves. I have now been able to understand that I needed to go through these life experiences to be a better “me”, so that one day, I will always be able to be that authentic person that I love, WITH someone else... not FOR someone else.
I’m far from perfect, but really, who wants to be perfect anyway? I am so grateful for each and every one of my past relationships and experiences, for if it hadn’t been for any of those, I would not have been guided to find “me” again. I think when we can be truly authentic to ourselves, we are then able to give and receive love from others. It’s these experiences, I believe, that are gifts that some of us might call “opportunities”. We can embrace them when they arrive, or we can throw them away and pretend they aren’t there to deal with. I think these uncomfortable situations are put in front of us for a reason, as if not, we may stay in our comfort zones and never grow. I believe we should always take those opportunities and learn from them no matter what our circumstances may be.
Nourish yourselves always with love, kindness and nutritious food.